


Between Heartbeats

by by_heart



Series: Life on the Waverider [10]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 03:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16823980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/by_heart/pseuds/by_heart
Summary: Ava’s imprinted memories were very specific. There were no fuzzy areas around the edges like with normal memories. She was finally starting to learn that there was a difference.Set loosely betwteen "I, Ava" and the finale.





	Between Heartbeats

Ava’s imprinted memories were very specific. There were no fuzzy areas around the edges like with normal memories. She was finally starting to learn that there was a difference. 

She thought about her fifteenth birthday party. Paintball. She could see that so crisp and clear in her mind from start to finish. But the more time that passed with real memories, the more strange she realized it was that her imprinted memories were too perfect. They were like a movie playing on a loop. The beginning and end of the memory was always the same. She checked in at the paintball park, donned her protective gear, and played hard. At the end, she deposited her neon paint-splattered chest protector in the bin and walked out the gate with her friends. Exactly the same. Every single time she recalled it. 

Whenever she tried to recall the day she met Sara though, it wasn’t as crisp. It was hazy and a bit jumbled. Sometimes when Sara was being stubborn, she would see the defiant woman who took her gun from her that day. That was embarrassing. Sometimes, talking to Ray or Nate would bring the memory up as well, and then she wouldn’t remember Sara as much as she would focus on how she saw them that day. It was never exactly the same every time. Sometimes it frustrated her to have to work at piecing that memory together, and she learned that focusing too hard on it could even push it deeper into her mind, much further out of reach. 

But the biggest learning experience of all was discovering how different senses could trigger memories so powerfully. Her childhood memories didn’t have that. She couldn’t recall any distinctive scents of the air that day or the paint on her clothes, didn’t remember the pain of being pelted when a guy on the other team saw her peeking around a column. But she could remember the heavy feeling of mead hitting her stomach from out-drinking the vikings, and how the taste of alcohol had been a bit nauseating for the following week as a result. And when she pushed too hard at the gym, sometimes she found herself reliving the day she tried to arrest Sara but had been too evenly matched, only serving to wear each other out. 

Memories triggered by her senses instead of a thought process were more unpredictable and abrupt and Ava was still getting used to them. She hated being blindsided by them. 

////////////////////

Ava smiled as she saw Sara approaching the bridge and took a small step to her left to allow Sara full access to the screen in front of her. Everyone had gathered to update Ava on the progress of their current mission, and Sara stood between Ava and Amaya to take a closer look at the anachronism map. 

Several seconds later, Ava felt the room spin a little. 

_ Ava moaned softly as Sara leaned down to kiss her neck. She reached up to sweep Sara’s hair to the side, not wanting anything to get in the way of what she was currently doing that was making Ava’s heart race. _

She stumbled slightly and felt Sara’s hand on her arm, steadying her. She shook herself from her thoughts and realized everyone was watching her. She insisted that she was okay, that she had just missed breakfast that morning, trying to ease the concerned look on Sara’s face.    
  
Ava cleared her throat and squinted her eyes shut for a moment, hoping to push the last of the intense memory away. There was a time and place for remembering that night, but in front of the Legends during a mission was not it.    
  
Amaya leaned back slightly to look past Sara at Ava. She said she hadn’t had much to eat that morning herself and asked Sara if they might be able to take a short break. Sara nodded, sending them away and allowing everyone a little time for rest before they returned to work. 

The two walked quietly down the hall. Ava cleared her throat to break up the silence, but it didn’t help as wisps of the memory came back to her again. She tried to ignore it, to stay on task while she was working, but truthfully, a part of her didn’t want to push that memory away. Everything about those first two nights on the ship with Sara was perfect. She never wanted to forget it, and certainly didn’t want to push those euphoric images out of her mind in case doing so might cause her to lose pieces of those memories. But she had to stay focused. 

When they reached the galley, Amaya pulled two bottles of water from the fridge and asked Gideon for a couple protein bars, handing one of each to Ava as they sat at the table. Ava felt slightly guilty accepting them, knowing that her problem wasn’t low blood sugar, but she couldn’t exactly explain that her dizzy spell was actually because of an overwhelming memory from the first time she and Sara slept together.    
  
She thanked Amaya and the two opened their snacks. Before she could take a bite, Amaya leaned forward.    
  
“I know that we don’t exactly know each other, but can I tell you something kind of personal, in confidence?”

Ava studied the other woman for a moment, entirely unsure how to feel about the situation; it was unfamiliar territory. She didn’t have friends or people who really talked to her, other than Sara, of course. Merely sitting together and talking at all was pretty new for Ava. 

She finally answered, nodding for Amaya to continue. 

“After Sara brought me back here six months ago, I knew that nothing had changed and I still couldn’t stay. But it felt like an opportunity to change how I left things.” Amaya spoke softly, just a hint of remorse in her tone, obviously remembering right then how she had disappeared without a word to anyone, not even Nate. “I started meditating more and making a point of focusing on how I spent my time with everyone. I don’t just have a normal conversation anymore. When I’m talking with someone, I focus not only on the words, but on my senses. Memories are strongest when they’re tied in with something more tangible.” 

At Amaya’s words, Ava’s eyes lit up. It was the first time she had ever heard someone talk about memories in such a way and she realized that her recent experiences with rather intrusive memories might be new to her, but not actually a strange thing to encounter. 

“A few weeks ago, I helped Sara fix her hair before a mission. I’ve done it more times than I can count. And I noticed she had used something different - her shampoo or conditioner maybe - because there was an unfamiliar scent to it. Before that moment, I didn’t realize that I even knew what Sara’s conditioner smelled like. But I guess that just happens when you share space with people - you get used to them in ways you’re not even aware of.” Amaya smiled softly. “When I asked her about it, she said she felt like it was time for a change.” She paused. “And went on a date with you two days later.”

Ava rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably and avoided eye contact with Amaya. She felt the memory coming back to her again. The way Sara’s hair smelled that night. She realized the memory was triggered by a scent. 

“When Sara stood next to me before, on the bridge, I was reminded of how happy she was that day. It was any other day and any other mission for us, but something was so different about her then. That’s what I’ll remember whenever I smell honeysuckle now; the way she smiled and seemed the happiest she’s ever been in the time I’ve known her.”   
  
Ava felt her face warm at that. She felt calmer, suddenly not trying to quiet a memory that would distract her but enjoying hearing someone else’s. Getting a glimpse into how different the most subtle experiences could be for people. 

Amaya took a sip of her water before addressing Ava again. “May I ask you a personal question?”

She took a deep breath, feeling just a little hesitant, but nodded again. Being vulnerable with people was still new to her, and terrifying at best. But she had seen the way the team responded to Amaya, whether her presence or her words or even a simple touch. They trusted her in such a unique way, and though she didn’t know the woman well, Ava felt that when she was around her too. 

“The memories you were given, are they like the memories you’re creating now?”

Ava explained how completely different they were now that she had her own experiences to reflect on, that the imprints were so perfect she couldn’t stand to recall them anymore, knowing how much better the real thing was. She explained how incredible it was to be able to re-live such wonderful moments for the first time, and felt glee at realizing just how many more there would be in the future. She didn’t mind the sad ones, the difficult ones either, because they taught her so much and helped her to always see how far she had come in so little time. 

With just a hint of pink on her cheeks, she also confessed that some memories hit her at the most inconvenient of times and she wished she knew how to stop that from happening so much. 

Amaya shrugged slightly, a grin pulling at the corner of her mouth. “Don’t try to stop it,” she said simply. “Let those memories happen, if just for a moment, and then remind yourself that it’s your memory and you’ll always have it. Your mind will start to sort out when to embrace those moments and when to save them for a time when you can appreciate them more.”    
  
Ava wondered just how intense the past six months had been for Amaya, for her to have been actively attempting to build memories of everyone she loved before she left them all for good. She couldn’t fathom the enormity of what Amaya had been feeling while never letting on. 

When Sara called everyone back to the bridge, Ava and Amaya stood and faced each other for a long moment. Ava chuckled softly when she realized what was happening, that they were both trying to hold onto this moment for later. Both leaned forward to wrap their arms around each other, the touch grounding them and providing something more for the memory to build around. Then with silent understanding, walked back out to the bridge to join the rest of the team. 

Ava stood where she had before, next to Sara, and closed her eyes for just a heartbeat or two, taking a steady breath and letting it out again. When she opened her eyes, she saw Amaya standing on the other side of the console, smiling and giving her a nod too subtle for the others to notice. 

She tugged the bottom of her blazer to straighten it before placing her hands behind her back. She looked at Sara next to her and smiled. “What’s the plan, Captain Lance?”


End file.
